Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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