my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
