Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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