He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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