The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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