why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sobbing to NWA
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
