I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
