I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
