There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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