So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
