I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
