You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
