Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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