Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
