Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
