I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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