Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
