I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As shirtless as possible
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
