We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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