my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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