I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
