Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
