How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
