you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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