He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
