Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
