She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't notice because vodka
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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