Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
