My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
