I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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