she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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