My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
