Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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