Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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