He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a search helicopter?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
