Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
