I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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