Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
