I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
