in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
