we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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