if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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