I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
