Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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