Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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