I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
