It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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