We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
