i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
