dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
