Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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