we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
