I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
