on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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