True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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