Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize