don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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