# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
