Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
