there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have tasted many bathrooms
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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