Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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