I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
