Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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