thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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