I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
