So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
