Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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