I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
