I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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