Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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