dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
