She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
