Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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