Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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